Santa with Muscles (1996)

With the hangover of the holidays almost behind us, we still have time for one more Christmas movie recommendation: Santa with Muscles. This movie is nowhere near good (constantly listed in the IMDB “worst movies list”), but it’s good for an easy leftover turkey coma laugh.

Hulk Hogan “plays” Blake, the zero-fucks-given bodybuilding millionaire. One day, while escaping from the cops (and we are fortunate enough to be graced with the acting of Clint Howard in the police force), Blake steals a Santa suit and hits his head, knocking himself out. When he wakes up, he believes that he is Santa and will stop at nothing to help his fellow man. He learns that the local mobster, Mr. Frost, is forcing out everyone of a certain part of the city with his pathetic squad of evil doctors.

Right in the middle of Frost’s plans is the orphanage where Mila Kunis is living. Santa decides to stay and help them with their gangster problem. Will Santa be able to protect the poor orphans from the evil scientist? Will he discover why Frost is stealing all the land? Will Hulk Hogan EVER be taken seriously??

The answer for the last question is no, this movie is BAD but completely laughable. Hulk Hogan had a string of movies in the 90ies which were all horrible but kept being made… he was just that popular. “Santa with Muscles” is ridiculous, but includes a lightsaber-esque duel, the local PD having a law launcher and Hulk performing a duet with one of the orphans. “Santa with Muscles” is far from something that should be seen every year but should be seen once.

Keep the milk and cookies warm.

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Armed with a love for the 80ies, nothing is ever too cheesy.

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