Teeth (2007)


Some movies are funny, some movies are gross, and some movies make you think twice about ever dating again. Somehow, “Teeth” managed to be all three.

For those who have never even heard of this flick, I have two words for you: VAGINA. DENTATA.

Let me allow you a moment to wonder what that could mean…..Maybe an obscure Italian appetizer? ..no?…How about the name of a famous Greek porno actress?..nah,…give up?…. it means TOOTHED VAGINA! There. I said it. Don’t we feel better now?

Yes indeed, this film is about a teenaged girl experiencing an utterly unique problem of womanhood one usually finds in ancient myth and folklore (no seriously, I looked it up!) and is prime projector fodder for a MIDNIGHT movie among friends, possibly around Halloween, or possibly when a friend announces their acceptance into a reputable gynaecology program.

The good news is that the movie does NOT take itself too seriously, and is best described as a HORROR COMEDY and, in fact, it’s a great one. There is actually a half-decent storyline, the dialogue is engaging if somewhat zany and the acting is pretty convincing (in fact, I heard the lead actress even got an award at sundance for this).

If your friends can handle a little nudity and gore (not really the focus of the movie), there’s crazy fun times abounds waiting for you. If you’ve been looking for something different, this is a great start.


NOTABLE QUOTE: “It’s true! Vagina dentata! Vagina dentata! Vagina dentata!!!!!!! ”

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A GREAT DATE-NIGHT MOVIE. Consider this a challenge if you must, but no-one is getting laid immediately after watching this flick. Can you guess why? ;)

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Born in a puddle, raised in a pond, Jonny Mosco enjoys anything that is media, and that gives him an excuse to hang out with friends. He lives around Montreal, and is currently dating his guitar (but cheats on her frequently).

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